When the death of a relative, a friend, or a pet happens or is about to happen,
how can you help your child to understand what is happening?
Don’t postpone these conversations particularly when your children are older than 3 years old.
This post will prepare you as a parent on having this difficult conversation and explaining death to a child.
The importance of explaining death to a child
You may have been sad when someone in your family, or a favourite pet became sick and died. Now if this happens to your child, I’m sure you’d prefer to prepare them beforehand. It can be really hard to know how to explain it to a young child, particularly if you are grieving the loss yourself.
Children can develop their empathy and emotional intelligence as they explore sensitive yet significant aspects of life. Moreover, they develop resilience building strategies to cope with life’s inevitable changes and unexpected transitions. These kind of discussions will teach children how to engage in thoughtful conversations with adults fostering understanding and openness. It is important for children to find comfort and reassurance in understanding life and death as a serene and natural process. The ultimate outcome of this difficult conversation is not only to understand what happens when someone dies, but also grow appreciation for the present moment. Finding joy in life’s simple moments and pleasures is crucial for a person’s happiness.
Tips on explaining death to a child
First we need to explain children that there is a beginning and an ending to everything that is alive. Being born is as much a part of living as dying. The cycle of life and death is often explained in a comforting and child-friendly manner through growing their own plants in Kindergarten or school. This is a great idea as it is easier for children to manage their emotions, when we talk about plants. In addition, having a pet in a young age or talking about animals such as insects that we observe in our environment can be helpful in understanding life and death.
Quick tips
- Ask children questions to understand their knowledge around death and loss.
- Be honest that you won’t be able to hug and talk to someone who has died.
- Keep it simple. Don’t get into details especially when the children are young and they don’t ask you many questions.
Keep in mind…
- When we talk about loss of grandparents, it would good to focus on the good moments of their long and happy lives.
- Remember to discuss the unbreakable connections of love that people have no matter where they are.
- Last but not least, it is very helpful to mention things we can do to remember a person who has died.
Book recommendations about death and grief
Books, as in many topics, are amazing tools when it comes to children’s exploration, learning and development. Books can be used as a starting point for discussions. We are fortunate enough to have a variety of books available for our little friends. Go through the list and find one or more books that apply better to your situation and reflects your beliefs. Moreover, read the description to find out which explanation or story can make it easier this conversation for you and your little one.
Having some of these books available at home will give your children the option to browse them on their own or ask you to read them together, when they are ready and interested in them. Also, even if the books stay on a shelf for weeks, don’t ever think that you wasted your time and money. The children are able to extend or revisit their knowledge anytime they feel like. Nevertheless, don’t read them as bedtime stories and don’t push reading them, if children are uninterested. If you can’t afford buying not even one of the books below, then you will be able to find read aloud book videos on the internet!
1. Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between by Bryan Mellonie
This book is an essential resource to explain the concept of life and death to children in a sensitive and understandable manner. Lifecycles are discussed in a way that is comprehensible and comforting for young readers. Through Robert Ingpen’s captivating illustrations, children can visualize and comprehend the abstract concepts of life and death. The reading age for this book is roughly 3-5 years.
2. I will always love you by Hans Wilhelm
A gentle and moving story about losing a friend, and the importance of always expressing your love. It is a story about Elfie, the dachshund, and her owner that grow up together. However, growing up can mean having to say goodbye to the ones you love. This tender story is a perfect way to make the topic of loss a little less scary for kids.
3. Ida, always by Caron Levis
An honest portrait of loss and deep friendship told through the story of two iconic polar bears. Ida, Always is an exquisitely told story of two friends and a gentle, moving, needed reminder that loved ones lost will stay in our hearts. One sad day, Gus learns that Ida is very sick. The friends help each other face the difficult news with whispers, sniffles, cuddles, and even laughs. Slowly Gus realizes that even after Ida is gone, she will still be with him. It is a story appropriate for children from 4 to 8 years of age.
4. Just in case you ever wonder by Max Lucado
It is an award-winning picture book that introduces children to God’s great love. This book assures children of God’s love through all their experiences, including during hard times such as being afraid of the dark or being bullied. It gives assurance that their parent was there when they were first born and will be with them even in heaven. This is a sturdy board book with rounded corners, which is perfect for babies to 4 years of age. If you’d like to get this book for older children (3-7 years) then have a look here.
5. Let’s talk about when someone dies by Molly Potter
6. Life is like the wind by Shona Innes
This book compares life with wind. Shona Innes explains in direct and gentle terms where the wind goes when it stops blowing and where life goes when it leaves the body according to different people’s beliefs. This book is part of series that deals with emotive issues allowing children’s feelings and problems to be more easily discussed with family and friends. Author Shona Innes is a qualified clinical and forensic psychologist with many years of experience assisting children. This book is for children older than 3 years old.
by Bryan Mellonie and John Ingpen
Lifetimes is a moving book for children of all ages, even parents too. It lets us explain life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. Lifetimes tells us about beginnings and endings. And about living in between. This book explains that all living things have their own special Lifetimes. It tells about plants, animals and people with wonderful illustrations. It tells that dying is as much a part of living as being born.
8. Something very sad happenedby Bonnie Zucker
This story reassures children that it is okay to feel sad and that love never dies. It is sensitively written and gently illustrated. In addition, it includes a Note to Parents and Caregivers with more information about how to talk about death, answer your child’s questions, and maintain your connection throughout the grieving process! Something Very Sad Happened explains death in developmentally appropriate terms for 2-and 3-year-old children.
9. The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers
What happens when a special someone who encourages such wonder and magic is no longer around? We can hide, we can place our heart in a bottle and grow up. Or we can find another special someone who understands the magic. And we can encourage them to see things in the stars, find joy among colors and laughter as they play. Oliver Jeffers delivers a remarkable book, a touching and resonant tale that will speak to the hearts of children and parents. Personally I nearly burst into tears, while I randomly got it in my hands and I was asked to read it to a child in Kindergarten. Watch here the video of this read aloud story by Storytime with Shayne.
10. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
The Invisible String offers a very simple approach to overcoming loneliness, separation, or loss. It is all explained with an imaginative twist that children easily understand and embrace, and delivers a particularly compelling message in today’s uncertain times. In this story a mother tells her two children that they’re all connected by an invisible string. An Invisible String made of love! This heartwarming picture book for all ages explores questions about the intangible yet unbreakable connections between us, and opens up deeper conversations about love. This story is the perfect tool for coping with all kinds of separation anxiety, loss, and grief.
This book is part of 6 books series. You can find a lullaby, a book about a loss of a pet, a workbook and more.
11. The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland
The child in the story creates a memory box to keep mementos and written memories of the loved one, to help in the grieving process. The unique point of view allows the reader to imagine the loss of any they have loved such as a friend, family member, or even a pet. A parent guide in the back includes information on helping children manage the complex and difficult emotions they feel when they lose someone they love, as well as suggestions on how to create their own memory box. It is great for children from 4 to 8 years of age.
12. The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup
It is a story about a fox that lived a long and happy life in the forest. One day, he takes a deep breath and falls asleep for ever. This gentle and comforting tale celebrates life and the memories that are left behind when a loved one dies. This story could be read with children (3-5 years) after the loss of grandparents, who had a long and happy life.
13. The tiny star by Mem Fox
A charming and touching story about the journey of life by bestselling author Mem Fox and the talented Freya Blackwood. “Once upon a time, although this happens all the time, a tiny star fell to earth…” It can be a great story to read after the loss of grandparents. This book is appropriate for children from 3 to 5 years of age.
14. Tough Boris by Mem Fox
This book is about a tough pirate, whose parrot died. “All pirates cry”. This story was written by popular author Mem Fox for children older than 4 years of age. It is a great book for children, who love pirates and may have lost their pets.
15. Why do things die? by Katie Daynes
It is a
On contrary, explaining death to a child is better to start a random day
reading a story or observing animals and plants around you.
These 15 heartfelt and comforting stories will help you talk with children about death together.
Helping children understand and work through their grief,
you won’t only excel in your parenting role, but you will also be able to focus on your own grieving.
