This is a post for people, who feel like losing themselves, are close to burn out or struggle mentally.
New mothers can benefit from it for sure or stay at home dads.
Read with an open mind and keep the advices that apply to your situation better.
This post is all about burnout definition and burnout symptoms
as well as tips to avoid or deal with parental burnout.
The inspiration for this post was my first trip with a friend 3.5 years after I became a mum. I was very anxious and unsure about this trip, while we were planning it, but it was really enjoyable and rewarding at the end. In this trip, I got with me a book that I hadn’t read before, ‘the alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. It is truly a meaningful and inspiring book that is easy to read. I believe you can get different messages depending on the phase of your life you’re reading it. It’s a simple story, but a rare gem at the same time, as many said. From this book I keep first this quote: “to realise one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation“.
Parents’ mental health & burnout
Burnout definition
Rionda and her colleagues explain that burnout is a syndrome characterized by “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and a decrease in self-fulfillment”. They add in International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health that this is a result of chronic exposure to emotionally draining environments. A growing body of research discusses parental burnout the last years. In 2018, Roskam and her colleagues shared four dimensions of parental burnout based on their research:
- exhaustion in one’s parental role,
- contrast with previous parental self,
- feelings of being fed up with one’s parental role, and
- emotional distancing from one’s children.
Of course many findings report higher levels of parents’ mental distress during the pandemic. Nevertheless, the imbalance between stress and resources was a consistent component among all parents who reported burnout, before and during the pandemic. “Burnout is the result of too much stress and the absence of resources to cope with it” reported Roskam after her research.
Burnout symptoms
Based on Mikolajczak, burnout usually occurs in stages and parental burnout symptoms build on each other.
- overwhelming exhaustion (physical or emotional based on children’s age) and chronic stress
- distance from kids to preserve energy
- loss of fulfillment in parenting
Importance of good mental health
Good mental health of parents is key to parenting. Can you remember a day that you were stressed about something or tired or sick and how much harder was for you to be a good parent? In addition, the mental health of kids is connected to their parents’ mental health. Mentally healthy parents can create a safe and healthy environment for their kids, interact with positivity and patience and be good role models for their children.
Tips to avoid & deal with parental burnout
Take time for yourself.
I couldn’t fully understand this piece of advice until I had my first trip with a friend 3.5 years after I became a mum. First I thought it meant make the time to go to the gym, have a massage, read a book. But also taking time away from your family makes you realise your blessings. Moreover, getting a refreshing break will eventually improve your relationship with your partner and your kids. Don’t wait until it’s too late and you are already flat out. Some parents also think of that when they are a step before a divorce. Self-care and self-compassion are vital for reducing stress and recalibrating your thinking.
Create your village of support.
Be brave and put clear boundaries around your family. Also, keep close people with good vibes that you have fun with. In addition, people that you learn something from and make you improve grow are always important in our village. No time to waste as a parent of a leader! This piece of advice isn’t that important for all parents. For example, creating a village really matters for parents, who don’t live with their families or they don’t have the help they would expect.
Make the time to read books or listen to podcasts and find answers to your questions.
Are you wondering how many kids you want to have? What’s the right time to go back to study? What’s the profession you want to do? First, developing your parenting skills and improving your marriage and communication can have a great impact on your parental burnout. Then, focusing on your personal growth can change you on many different levels.
Develop independence, confidence, new relationships.
Engage in paid or voluntary work, or even a hobby, and develop relationships with friends and mums through these activities. It could be working just 1-2 days a week or 5, you know better what works better for you and your family.
Don’t forget your dreams.
Being in a relationship and having a family for many people means that you might need to compromise, make sacrifices and put your needs on the side. These all may happen and it is important to do them at some point in your life, if your priority is your family and you love your partner. Nevertheless, have you heard the saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ ?
Get out of your comfort zone and try new things.
You are NOT too old for getting out of your comfort zone, because you have a family. Of course, no need to risk your life, but try new things and make sure you go back to your family in one piece.
Find ways to manage stress.
For some people chose to meditate, others to pray and some people prefer to dance, run or do a reformer pilates class. It is your responsibility to find what works better for you.
Find below useful apps that can help to reduce your stress through task organisation, games, meditation and music.
- Rosebud
- Blinkist
- Headspace
- TickTick
- Game apps: e.g. lichess, sudoku, bubble shooter
->Last pieces of advice:
- Spend time close to nature.
- Spend time away from technology.
- Simplify your life!
The key to happy kids is their parents’ happiness.
A combination of a beautiful book and a solo trip as a mum inspired me to write this post.
I only share encouraging and inspiring thoughts here,
but remember to choose the ones that speak to you!
Also, if you are reading this for you,
keep in mind that your partners might need time for themselves as well.
Enjoy solo as well as family moments to the fullest.
