Every time I do a training about kids abuse as a teacher, I’m shocked by the statistics!
The first times it was hard even to complete the training.
Then I felt stronger, while I was becoming aware of reality, learning how to act and preparing myself mentally.
Education is definitely key.
We cannot control the acts of others, but we can educate and empower our children
with knowledge, awareness and skills that can help to keep them safe.
Familiarising kids with body ownership and body boundaries,
respect and consent from a young age is crucial.
The younger we start, the safer they will be.
This post is all about tips on how to protect kids from abuse, kids body safety and abuse prevention.
What is abuse?
Abuse includes physical, verbal/emotional and sexual abuse. Other types of abuse include bullying, neglect and domestic abuse and a new form is online abuse.
Children, who are being abused, could feel embarrassed, scared or worried, guilty or ashamed. They might, also, feel isolated by others, lonely and like hurting themselves, according to KidsHelpLine.
During adolescence, the effects of abuse can differ from person to person based on Nemours TeensHealth. However, abuse may affect a children’s self-esteem, mood, focus, quality of sleep, or interest in activities they once enjoyed. In addition, the effects can have an impact on every aspect of a child’s life and they often last after the abuse stops.
Statistics and facts about kids abuse
Many parents still teach their kids about the “stranger danger” warning. Nevertheless, most violations are by people known and trusted by the children.
According to World Health Organization,
- 1 out of 2 children – or 1 billion children – suffer some form of violence each year.
- Nearly 3 in 4 children – or 300 million children – aged 2–4 years regularly suffer physical punishment and/or psychological violence at the hands of parents and caregivers.
- 1 in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child aged 0-17 years.
- 1 in 4 children aged under 5 years live with a mother, who is a victim of intimate partner violence.
- A child, who is abused is more likely to abuse others as an adult. As a result, that violence is passed down from one generation to the next. Therefore, it is critical to break this cycle of violence.
- Children aged 11-15 years, who are bullied at school are less likely to graduate from school.
- Effective prevention approaches include supporting parents and teaching positive parenting skills, and enhancing laws to prohibit violent punishment.
The statistics clearly dictate the need to empower and protect kids from abuse from an early age.
Practical tips for parents to protect kids from abuse
#1. Listen to your children, even when they have not-so-important things to say.
If you don’t listen to your child or you overreact, it is less likely to come to you, when they have something important to share later on. Even if children are 3 years old, try to listen to whatever they have to say to you. Luckily, children and young people are most likely to initially disclose sexual abuse to either a parent or same-aged friend, according to research (Priebe & Svedin, 2008; Shackel, 2009). Try to be that parent!
#2. Be a role model.
Not accepting abusive behaviour is crucial. Also, it is important to interact with your children in the way that you want others to interact with them. Interactions and relationships with respect, affection and kindness are not only beneficial for children’s learning and development. These are characteristics that they will seek in their future relationships and they will consider them as normal behaviours. Respectful interactions matter since kids are babies. For instance, it is important for parents to change a baby’s nappy slowly and gently, giving their full attention and talk with a calming and relaxing voice or sing a song. I know that it can not be always the case, but try to make it the norm.
#3 Cultivate kids’ confidence and assertiveness.
Confidence and assertiveness are two lifelong skills and can be cultivated in various ways. First, it’s important to model them as parents. For instance, speaking up, when needed, and using a confident and calm voice can be a great lesson for your kids. Secondly, offering age appropriate challenges and games and praising your children verbally for their successes is crucial. Children with low self-esteem are more likely to be abused or bullied. In regards to assertiveness, it is critical to give your children options -when possible!-, even when they are young. In this way, they know that they have the right to choose and say “no”. Make clear by your example that being assertive does not mean being aggressive. A good way to practise young kids’ assertiveness is using the body bubble. This is an invisible bubble around our body. When someone comes inside their body bubble (they are too close), children can learn to say clearly that they don’t like it!
#4 Use correct terms of private body parts with your kids.
Professionals highly recommend that kids learn the names nipples, breasts, bottom, anus, penis, testicles, vulva and vagina, if you want to protect kids from abuse. There are many reasons why knowing the correct names of private parts helps protect children from sexual abuse. Avoiding the correct names of private body parts can send the signal that you’re uncomfortable talking about them and children might be more reluctant to tell you about abuse. Instead, name them in a neutral tone as you do, when you talk about eyes, ears and nose. At the same time, using correct names for private parts can show predators that children have adequate knowledge about body safety and abuse. Using accurate names for private body parts can help kids be clearly understood by other adults, as slang names differ from family to family and culture to culture. Moreover, kids often find it hard to tell about sexual abuse, because they don’t know the right words to use.
#5 Use the word ‘surprise’, instead of the word ‘secret’.
You can tell your child that there is no need to keep secrets, if you want to protect kids from abuse. On the other hand, you can talk with your child about happy surprises! If someone asks children to keep a secret that makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, make clear that they should tell a trusted adult or their parents. Also, explain the difference between dobbing and telling. Specifically, dobbing is getting someone into trouble, while telling means sharing information, when you feel unsafe.
#6 Talk about feelings & Early Warning Signs.
It is great to talk about feelings with children, even from an early age (babies and toddlers), including happy and unhappy feelings. In this way children start to recognise them and understand that everyone has the right to their feelings. Also, you can talk with your children (over 3 years of age) about their Early Warning Signs. These signs are our body’s way of telling us, when we feel unsafe. For example, it can be sweating, feeling hot, heart beating fast, clammy hands, shaky knees.
#7 Remind kids regularly of the body safety rules.
If your children are young, keep the Body Safety Rules short and simple. 1) My body is mine, 2) No secrets, 3) Private parts are private and sensitive, 4) Early Warning Signs, 5) Body Safety Network/Circle of Trusted Adults. For older children, you can have up to 10 clear rules. For example, ‘be strong, be brave, speak out!’ or ‘my parents will always believe me’.
#8 Don’t force kids to give a kiss or a hug to someone.
Most of us grew up in families and cultures that we would be characterised disrespectful, if we wouldn’t give a kiss or a hug to older relatives and friends. Guess what… A hi-5 or a handshake is also okay! We need to make clear to our kids that they can choose they way they want to greet someone. They might want to give a hug, a kiss, a hi-5, shake hands or just waive to others, that’s fine. And we need to model our assertiveness, when people demand a kiss or a hug from our children.
#9 Limited internet exposure, high parental controls & use of technology in public spaces at home.
If you want to protect kids from abuse, use technology only in public spaces at home. Using technology in kids’ rooms can become a habit, which will be hard to stop when they get older. It is paramount to use applications and parental controls that help you monitor what websites your child is visiting. You might not be that worried, when the children are young. However, even YouTube without supervision can expose kids to inappropriate videos or ads within seconds.
#10 Ask permission or let them know, when you are about to take a photo or a video.
In the world of images, people take photos everywhere. Sometimes it may not be possible as a parent to ask for permission as they might want to get your phone or something. However, if you ask them often, then the children will know that they have the right to refuse their picture taken.
#11 Read books with them and discuss.
It is so much easier to discuss hard -for the parents- topics, after you read a book with your children. The books below are among the best books about body boundaries, body ownership, consent, respect, feelings and more important topics! Some of them include discussion questions for parents, caregivers and educators.
A book to teach children about body safety, safe and unsafe touch, private parts, consent, respect, secrets and surprises. Suitable for 3 to 10 years old.
A book to teach personal boundaries, consent and empowers children by respecting their choices and right to say ‘No!’
A book that empowers young children and teaches them about body ownership. It is suitable for kids older than 3 years of age.
A book to teach children about body ownership, respect, feelings, choices and recognizing bullying behaviors. It is suitable for children from 4 to 10 years old.
A rhyming book, which empowers and teaches young children about protecting their body and their privacy. Suitable for 3 to 8 year old children.
The rhyming story provide a way to sensitively share and discuss the topic of body safety. It guides young children to understand that their private parts belong to them alone and what they should do, if someone crosses their body boundaries.
A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private. It includes advice on how to deal with inappropriate behavior, bribes and threats. Suitable for kids older than 4 or 5 years of age.
A book to protect children from unsafe touch by teaching them to always speak up. Suitable for children aged 3 to 12 years.
This is a book for the kids, who want to know “where do babies come from?” Suitable for 3 to 7 year old children.
A book that assists adults in helping children unpack, understand and manage their feelings and emotions. It is suitable for 4 to 10 years old children.
A book to teach children about empathy, feelings, kindness, compassion, tolerance and recognising bullying behaviours.
A book to encourage resilience, persistence and to help children bounce back from challenges and adversity.
#12 Educate yourself!
There is a variety of mandatory training modules for educators and carers about kids abuse and mandatory reporting. Nevertheless, it is a different story, when it comes to parents. They need to search information on their own in order to protect kids from abuse. Every country has different regulations, helplines and available training sessions and handouts for parents. Below you can find only a few examples of resources that you can find online. Please find the one that is more suitable to you and your family’s needs.
-> ‘Body Safety Education: A parent’s guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse‘ book
it is a step-by-step guide for parents and carers on how to protect children from sexual abuse through personal Body Safety Education. This guide contains simple, practical and age-appropriate ideas, as well as important information on how abusers groom and signs a child maybe being sexually abused. Body Safety knowledge empowers children. It goes a long way in keeping them safe from sexual abuse, and ensuring they grow up as assertive and confident teenagers and adults.
-> Child Protection Education and Training for Parents and Carers delivered by Safe4Kids
The parents’ information session are delivered online and face to face and they last 2 hours. The concepts, strategies and language of protective behaviours are shared and the necessary skills are provided for you to be able to teach your children straight away. The knowledge you gain will not only empower you as a parent or carer, but it will also help you empower your children to keep them safe. They, also, have a YouTube channel with interviews and tips for parents and songs for kids.
-> Parent Education to Strengthen Families and Prevent Child Maltreatment by Child Welfare Information Gateway
This issue brief explores parent education for child welfare and highlights programs that have shown positive results or promise for strengthening families and preventing child abuse and neglect. In addition, there is a variety of other Parent Education Programs by Child Welfare Information Gateway.
-> ACT Raising Safe Kids Program is a parenting program by the American Psychological Association
The ACT Raising Safe Kids Program teaches positive parenting skills to parents and caregivers of children from birth to age 10. It helps parents and caregivers raise children in safe, stable, healthy environments.
-> Free eSafety webinars for parents and carers
These free webinars give parents and carers the knowledge, skills and tools to support their children to have safe online experiences.
- Getting started with social media: TikTok, YouTube, Instagram – For parents and carers of young people in primary and secondary school.
- Online relationships and consent: sending nudes and sexting – For parents and carers of young people in secondary school.
- eSafety 101: how eSafety can help you – For parents and carers of young people in primary and secondary school.
- Setting your child up for success online – For parents and carers of young people in primary school.
-> Responding to children and young people’s disclosures of abuse in Australia
This is a guide that outlines what we know about how, why, and when children and young people are likely to disclose. It suggests actions to take at the time of disclosure and later on.
This post was all about kids body safety and abuse prevention.
Let’s not close our eyes to reality!
We need to educate ourselves in order to be able to protect kids from abuse.
Child abuse is a difficult topic for many parents to talk about,
but you can do it in a non-confronting way with appropriate information.
We should empower our children with the critical information that they need to know,
while we are still protecting their innocence.
As parents, we should also be advocates for child abuse prevention whenever possible.
References
Priebe, G., & Svedin, C. G. (2008). Child sexual abuse is largely hidden from the adult society. An epidemiological study of adolescents’ disclosures. Child Abuse & Neglect, 32, 1095-1108.
Shackel, R. (2009). Understanding children’s medium for disclosing sexual abuse: A tool for overcoming potential misconceptions in the courtroom. Psychiatry, Psychology and Law, 16(3), 379-393.